Damn you, Disney
March 29th, 2010 by Damian
As Zach lay in bed the other night, he put his serious face on and said “Mummy.”
He continued: “when I grow up… when I get bigger… am I going to be a mermaid?”
He is NEVER allowed to see Pixar movies.
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Quite the imagination
March 21st, 2010 by Damian
Zach just droopily slouched his way over to me and collapsed on the couch.
“My bones don’t hold me up any more,” he sighed.
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Concerning spades
March 12th, 2010 by Damian
Zach drew a picture after dinner. “This is someone old. This is an old person,” he said. “This is an old person.”
“Oh,” said Sarah, “that’s a nice picture.”
“This person lives in nippier,” Zach said.
“Oh. Napier? Wow.”
He continued: “Yes. And we know this person.”
“Oh,” said Sarah, realising who he was talking about, “I don’t think that person would be very happy about what you just said about her. Is it Nana?”
He rapidly and excitedly replied “YES!”
Sorry.
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On the practical application of manners
October 27th, 2009 by Damian
Zach: “My want an iceblock, please.”
(Mummy gets one and gives it to him and waits for a response)
Mummy: “… What do you say?”
(Zach gestures to the iceblock wrapping immediately)
Zach: “All the way out!”
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Contingency planning
October 27th, 2009 by Damian
(Zach was drawing a picture of the family for his Nana)
Zach: “And now I’ll give Daddy a penis… and then my a penis… and now I’ll give you a penis.”
Nana: “I don’t have a penis, dear.”
Zach: “Well… I’ll give you a little one then. Just in case.”
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Beaten to the punch
August 10th, 2009 by Damian
Mummy: “… and you’ll be walking tomorrow, to use up some of your energy.”
Zach: “My keep my energy in my hands.”
Mummy: “Goodness.”
Zach: “Where does Daddy keep his energy?”
Daddy: (tries to think up smart reply)
Zach: “In the bum?”
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Call ‘em like you see ‘em
August 5th, 2009 by Damian
“Mummy, there are cocks in there!” – Zach discovering that birds have moved in with his zebras while playing Zoo Tycoon.
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Surrealism for the twenty-first century
August 1st, 2009 by Damian
Zach has been using his mother’s computer to play The Sims 3 quite a lot recently. He has a pretty good grasp of most of it, but he’s just a little free with his money – or anyone else’s money. This led to the following conversation:
Sarah: “Why is there an exercise machine in my bathroom?”
Zach: “Well, actually… because you need it… to do exercise!”
Sarah: “…”
Zach: “Exeeeeeeerciiiiiiiiiiise!”
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The things she teaches him
June 17th, 2009 by Damian
“Mummy, mummy, the cat has another bird!”
“Oh dear, Zach.”
“He’s not eating it yet, though. Shall I go and piss him off?”
“Er… sorry?”
“Shall I tell him to go away?”
“Oh. Oh, yes, that’s a good idea.”
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Breakfast, revisited
June 12th, 2009 by Damian
(looking at his porridge)
“My not like it”
“Did you try it?”
“No, my just mixed it and my not like what it looks like.”
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