I have no answer for that
February 27th, 2013 by Damian
Me: “Stop picking your lips, Sam.”
Sam: “Well… excuse me… why do I have to have skin on my lips?!”
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It’s nice when they can tell you they’re getting better
February 26th, 2013 by Damian
“Daddy, I did a good poo today. And Mummy catched some wee, and then we took it to the lab!”
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The unbearable lightness of bathing
February 2nd, 2013 by Damian
Watching children take a bath is frankly an overload of cuteness. Sam, for instance, will grin madly and then slide her head all the way under the water, which is then followed by a shiny white bottom emerging a small distance away.
Zach was unperturbed by this, as he “mixed the chemicals” for his “science shop”. Ice-cream containers and old soap dispensers are quite useful, it turns out.
Even when things go wrong, it’s great. Sam forgot to blow bubbles out her nose for one of the dives, and stood up distraught. We told her to gently blow her nose out, etc., but it was all in vain – she declared, loudly, that “the badness is still there!”
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It’s New Year! Time to actually add quotes
January 6th, 2013 by Damian
So, here are some over the last six (!) months. Maybe 2013 will be different and somehow more punctual? After all, we were spared the Mayan apocalypse, so perhaps I should be grateful for the extension to my life that doesn’t involve being a charred, smoking, volcano’d husk.
Sam paused halfway through a rendition of Away In A Manger to stare at me for a few seconds and then blurt out “Jesus is a type of fish!” before giggling, running away, and carrying on as if nothing had happened.
In a similar theme, Sam is taking after her godless heathen parents and taking the Lord’s name in vain when something surprising happens. However, she hasn’t quite worked out what the various permutations of the words are, which leads to marvellous oddities like her exclaiming “WHAT the GOD?!”
Zach very much enjoys playing Minecraft, and particularly likes it if his idiot parents come along in a multiplayer world with him, where we can be confused and slightly bored together. As a technical backstory note, we achieve this by selecting the “Open to LAN” option, where LAN is an acronym for Local Area Network, which allows the traffic to be local and therefore much faster and also means we don’t have to set up a separate server to host the game and oh christ I’m bored just typing that.
ANYWAY, Zach announced to Sarah and I – very excitedly – that he was ready for us to enter his world by shouting “I’VE LANNED IT” once he was up and running.
Gosh, that was a long way to go for one quick reference. My apologies.
Some very cute meerkats appeared on TV – probably advertising some awful long-distance calling or something – and Sam pointed at them and exclaimed “I know what those are! Cat-meers!”
Sometimes, however, she is more embarrassing – albeit correct – than cute.
We were collecting the two of them from their Nana, and had met at one of Nana’s friends’ house to have a ‘picnic’ lunch, since the weather didn’t want to accord with our plans. So, everyone is happily eating and chatting and so on, while Sam sits on my lap and stares thoughtfully at our gracious hostess.
In an appropriate pause in conversation, Sam pipes up with “Do you know… my Daddy told me that you shouldn’t talk with your mouth full.”
Conversation was a little more… stilted after that.
Zach has a drum set now, ostensibly to learn it all properly and such. Sometimes we are trying to talk when he is playing it, and when asked to be a little quieter, he replies that he is “just adding music to the process”.
As a bonus, Sam has a pink electric guitar, and the photos of them in their band – which largely seems to feature the hit single ‘Jingle Bells’ – are very worthwhile.
We spent Christmas Day in Marton, on Uncle Shaun’s dairy farm. Naturally, the cows needed to be milked in the afternoon, so we took one very trepidatious boy and one very inquisitive girl along as well to observe. Zach was having none of it, and hovered as far away from the cows as he could manage, whereas Sam demanded to be taken into the centre channel so she could watch the goings-on in intimate detail. She emerged later on with spots of cow dung all over her nice summer dress and a wide smile.
This was not reflected in the Christmas Day after-action report given by her at bedtime, where she said that the best part of her day was opening presents, whereas the worst was “getting poo on my clothes,” adding after a thoughtful pause, “it was cow poo”.
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Truly his father’s son
June 22nd, 2012 by Damian
Zach and Sam decided on a cold Friday afternoon to build a doghouse. For their pet stuffed dog, naturally.
Zach’s decision of a course of action was to make a beeline to his computer, type build a doghouse into Google, and then select the first YouTube link he saw. Aside from the atrocious Australian accent of the narrator, I can’t fault his process.
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Actually, the geography is almost right
May 28th, 2012 by Damian
Zach noticed this story on the news, and watched enraptured. At the end, he turned to me and told me about how his Nana had told him about the event thusly: “I know all about this. Those trees were attacked by Vikings.”
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A collection of Sam-isms over the last few months
March 17th, 2012 by Damian
“Fancy that, I’m naked.”
“I’m going to eat you for dinner, ha ha. But I’m not going to eat Mummy.”
Me: “You are ludicrous.”
Her, pinching her thumb and finger together in front of her eye: “You’re a little, tiny Chris.”
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I have no response to that
January 14th, 2012 by Damian
Picture Sam, playing in the car. Picture me, standing outside asking her if she wants to come inside. Imagine, if you will, her leaning on the steering wheel and sounding the horn; in the process she startles herself quite a lot.
Now picture the look on my face when I open the door to talk to her when she immediately blurts out at me “my penis is awake now!”
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Toilet training leads to very odd requests
January 8th, 2012 by Damian
“COME AND LOOK AT MY PRETTY POO!”
That is all.
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Something about true words spoken in jest
December 28th, 2011 by Damian
Zach has transitioned from enjoying stories being read to him at night to preferring somewhat more serious books – science encyclopaedias, nature books, space facts, etc. It falls to me to read these, as Sarah refuses.
The conversation about bedtime duties tonight went something like this:
Sarah: “Who’s putting you to bed?”
Zach: “You.”
Sarah: “OK. (to me) We’re going to have stories. I’m not going to read any bloody science books.”
(a couple of minutes pass)
Zach: “Actually, Daddy is taking me to bed. I’m going to have a bloody science book.”
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