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A good question

“Sam, would you like some banana bread?” (thoughtful pause before answer) “Do you have any chocolate bread?”

December 18th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

Sam, shortly after a small earthquake: “Sharks are more scary than earthquakes!” Edit: Apparently, after some research, the relationship goes earthquakes < bears < sharks. Please update your references accordingly.

December 4th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

Context would spoil it

Zach: “My poo doesn’t want to see that!” Sarah: “Make sure Daddy is listening to you, darling.” Zach: “No… he only listens to me HALF the days.”

September 3rd, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

The twist ending

I was driving Samantha home from kindergarten, and as we do, we were singing songs. On the third time through Old Macdonald, she sang: “And on that farm he had NO MORE COWS.” I looked at her quizzically, so she widened her eyes, spread her hands apart and squeaked “someone STOLE all his cows!”

July 25th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

It’s often hard to tell whether he’s joking or not

“I like your farts, Daddy. They scare people.”

July 17th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

Classification

I was wearing exercise shorts (stop laughing) while making Sam’s breakfast this morning, and I noticed she had been staring at my nether regions fixedly for some time. “What’s wrong, darling?” I enquired. She looked at me with accusing eyes and asked why I was wearing “farmer pants”. I blame her uncle and grandfather.

June 21st, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

How to make singing songs with your children infinitely more enjoyable

Procure a two-year-old who thinks that “toru, wha” is pronounced “turtle fart”. Ask them to start any song off. Repeat step 2 as often as desired.

May 29th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

The 21st stories just keep on happening

In addition to dancing around half-naked like crazed nymphs – yes, there is video – the children have been sage in their wisdom. Zachary, for instance, fancies himself as some sort of Sherlock Holmes. The cats have been fed plain boiled fish a lot recently, as the new arrival kitten has had… bottom issues, shall […]

May 24th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

Random vignettes

I made the mistake of giving Samantha a rubber mallet on the first floor. She promptly tossed it down the stairs, turned to me, and remarked casually “it’s gone now”. “Bugger!” “Not say bugger, Daddy.” “Why not, Sam?” “Because… cause… because I’m eating my nuts!”

April 10th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

Worst father ever, even in dreams

Samantha woke up this morning loudly declaring “my one. MY one. MY ONE.” When I went in to see her, she looked directly at me and said it again. “What one, darling?” “My lollipop.” “What about your lollipop, sweetie?” “YOU ATE IT.” “…” “And Zachary, too.” I don’t know if she means that I ate […]

March 17th, 2011 by Damian | Posted in Uncategorized | No comments »

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